Once upon a time there was a Seattle Times columnist named Danny. Danny’s car broke down and because Danny was too “cheap” to buy a new one he decided he might like to try to ride the bus to work. Just as an experiment though, Danny knew he’d be buying a car soon enough, hey, he’s got kids to schlepp!
But guess what?! Danny didn’t like riding the bus because sometimes Danny had to stand on the bus and sometimes Danny even got passed by on the bus because it was tooooooo full! Sometime he would have to walk 4 whole blocks to make sure he got the bus. :(
And why did this happen? Is it because Seattle is the fastest growing city in the country with record-setting transit ridership who is also simultaneously defunding our bus system? Is it because Danny’s employer told everyone, repeatedly, that no one should vote for buses because driving a car is awesome? Nope!
It’s because the big bad boogeyman of Amazon-land has hired too many people! And those people don’t just get in their cars and go to work, they ride the bus, like those working in a major employment center never, ever do. Sometimes their dogs ride the bus too, and that’s bad because it reminds Danny of one time he was on vacation in a country where brown people live that brought their goats on the bus, and Danny doesn’t want Seattle to be like that!
It’s not fair that the Amazon-land has all these high paying jobs in a transit-friendly area like a downtown, because office parks belong in the car-dependent suburbs, so we shouldn’t have too many jobs from one employer in once place where other people also want to be. All that crowding of people isn’t fun when you just wanted to sit nicely on the bus for a few weeks and do the crossword while pretending to be Joe Biden on the Acela Express.
But don’t worry guys, the vewwwy scary story has a nice ending. Danny got himself a car just like he always knew he would. That’s the nice thing about being economically advantaged, you’ve got choices! It sure is sad for all the working folks who can’t just buy a new car and drive to work, or for all the folks who think that single-occupancy travel is bad for the environment and a waste of resources, but those guys can eat Danny’s Volvo dust!
Danny says he hopes the government will do something. But Danny forgot to mention that actually they are. In fact, there’s a whole proposition coming to a ballot near you in less than two months to stop things from getting catastrophically worse for transit riders. You can do something to make life easier for everyone, so no one ever has to write such a tone-deaf, out-of-touch, entitled, and ridiculous op-ed piece ever again.
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